if you start by talking about me, me, me, me, me. You haven't started building a relationship, and so people still have a wall open. But when you show interest in people first, It's gonna be a more positive experience. Welcome back to The Art of Connecting Podcast. This is your host here, Haydynn, back with another episode for you guys. And today I am overjoyed to have my friend Peter Pastor Neck here with me. I always tell a little bit of a background story each time I have a, a guest on of how we met each other. And I met Peter at Shane SO'S event. I guess a year, almost a year ago now at the Atlanta Real Estate Conference. Peter got on the stage and talked about how he creates connections with people and how he is a professional connector. So Peter, we are so excited to have you on the show today, and I know this is gonna be absolutely fantastic. So thanks for being here. Well, Haydynn, thank you for inviting me. I remember meeting you and you. You know, like I usually wear red, so people, if I don't have, have like a red shirt on, like, Peter, what's wrong? I don't know if I've ever seen you, that you don't have a shirt that you're ready to go to like Jamaica and the islands on there. So that just makes me feel happy to see the comfort level that we have. That's the goal. Yeah. That my old boss used to tell me, dress for the job you want, not the job you have. And I, I took him seriously awesome. Awesome. Yeah. So why don't we just go ahead and dive right in and if you could just do an introduction. And let the audience know who Peter Pastor Neck is. Love that. Thank you. So Peter, pastor Neck. I turned 65 years old this year. I don't feel a day over 35, but little bit about myself. Born and raised in Connecticut. I moved to Georgia went to college at University of Georgia. I had an undergrad and master's degree in accounting. I'm a CPA that started my work career at Pricewaterhouse. Did that. I actually passed CP exam in graduate school, and when I went to work for Pricewaterhouse, I had to work for two years to get my license. So I always tease people. You imagine me, 40 years ago, I had five times this amount of energy and I was a little cubi hole. And so I'm not sure if it was more challenging for them or me, but. I used to have a calendar and I marked every day, like I think about like when people were in prison. They do that, and at two years I handed in my notice, and so for the next 20 years I was in the banking world. I started as an auditor. By the time I was done, I was president of the bank. I. And so I love that. I'm a big fan of Shark Tank, so like being President Bank is like being a a shark. People come and they wanna borrow money and you get to determine whether you want to or not. And so I love to mentor younger people and you can see I have whiteboards in my office. I love to like come up with people who are thinking about ideas and kind of help walk them through what that looks like I was 44 years old and my best friend was my personal trainer and he was 14 years younger than I am. So he was like a little brother that I never had. And I said to one day, like, Brian, what do you wanna do when you grow up? And he said, real estate investing. And so at that time I had just bought a commercial printing company and had bought seven other companies. So I have seven plus companies. I'm working seven days a week, a hundred plus hours. Did not have a whole lot of time to do real estate investing, but I said, okay, let's start with this. So what I'm best known for Haydynn is of course I was on master television, I was on my fourth flip, eight months into it, and national television came knocking at my door and I. It, it was kind of a surreal moment for me, if I'm gonna be honest. And I was like, how'd you get to me? And they said, well, we went around because they had had some locations in other areas. And so, I started and everybody thinks that, you know, you know all this stuff. I'm on my fourth flip. Yes, I have a business background, but I was just learning as I went. And you know, I have Wikipedia page. I would laugh about that. I still have about 10 or 15 episodes on demand so people can go and watch me. I filmed from 2005 to 2009, so I had more hair, I had less gray in my hair. But you recognize me, but I love a mentoring moment, so I'm gonna talk about that. People would ask me, Haydynn how did you, like, how lucky are you that you ended up on tv? You just started on there. And so I'm like, okay, so you're taking a look at what you think is my finished product, but let's talk about what the network truly loved about me. They loved was a CPA, worked at Price Warehouses, which is probably still the most exclusive accounting firm in the world. And I was president of a bank you know, that I had been in real estate and investing. It was the 20 plus years of hard work. A lot of times wanna be somebody who they look at as successful, but they're not willing to do what those people did to get them where they ended up. that's so true. It's, it's easy to see the finished product. Right. But it's, there's so much more to the story that goes behind that. Right. And even in my life, I'm, I'm not near where I want to go. You know, I'm 24 years old, but people come to me and, and they'll say, you're so successful. And I'm like, have you taken a look at my bank account? I'm like, it, this is a journey. It is a, it is not a overnight thing. Yeah. And I think that's such a great point to, for whoever's listening to this right now. Like, wherever you're at, you're in your journey. It's not, not that you're not where you want to go yet, that's okay. And then for those people who are where you want to go, they had to earn it. It's not a overnight where they magically just end up on tv. Right? Yeah, yeah. It doesn't quite work that way. But I think, you know, I, I think for a lot of people, they want things in life to be easy, but I would tell you my experience. Like, like you just live it. What I do. I live it and I love it. And so but nothing that I have ever attained came easily to me. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's right. So I wanna talk about I really would love to talk about how. You worked your way up in the banking industry because it's such an amazing story to, to start as you know, entry-level banker, right? And work your way up to running the whole bank as the president. So how important were creating relationships and connections to that as you were working your way up the ranks. X. Question. So the first thing I will tell you is I think that one thing that's so important, and especially for younger people, but this is true for anybody if you're at the beginning, is you have to find a mentor, right? So when I first started, what really got me into the banking was they liked I was a CPA and worked at Pricewaterhouse, and you know, I remember. I was three weeks into price order outlook. In two years, 90% of you will not be here. But saying that you worked at this company is going to be a golden key, and that golden key is gonna open doors. So that's what got me into the bank. And so I started, I had a boss that really kind of took me under. The first thing is find a mentor. And a couple years into it, I wanted to move to the next level, which is I wanted to be a loan officer. And, you know, my boss went to his boss, who was president of the bank at that time and said, Peter wants to move up. And the guy said he no, do not, do not promote him because they pigeonholed. As an accountant, and what my boss said is, look, if we don't give him that opportunity, he will go in a year. here's something I learned early on that if you could articulate to people what's in it for them, not you. You will succeed. So when I went, one of the things I worked hard on Haydynn was like, if I could not do the loan, I started making relationships with people that might do it. I didn't say no forever. I said I can't do that today. This is why I can't. But I've got three other people I wanna introduce you to, and when you get to A, B and C, don't forget about me. Come back. Yeah, and that just, you know, that just resonated with people. And I was always very honest and upfront, and a lot of times I talk about head and heart. I. This is where joy lies. And when you build relationships, relationships are heart to heart, not to head to head on there. And so I learned to speak from my heart because that's where joy, happiness, love, abundance comes from. And so when I shared, I just. Try to put myself in other people's shoes of how I wanted to be treated. And that just resonated. And so people were shocked. They were like, how did this guy do this like in a year's time? But I got really good at building relationships. And then once I did that, then other doors open for me. What's in it for them? Have you ever read this book before? I have not. I wanna read it now. What's in it for them? I got given this book by my friend Kyle Barksdale, who's on the podcast just a few episodes before you. It's called What's In It For Them by Joe Polish or Polish. I don't, I can't remember it'cause he talks about it in the book, how you say it. But I am a, I'm only like a chapter in,'cause there's so many books that I'm reading right now, but I, I bought the book that you suggested to me and so this like perfectly fits what you're talking about because it's. Clearly what's in it for them? It's to book. Yep. And you know, one of the things, so here was something else that my boss had me at the time. So early on in my career, I was just like a bottom line kind of guy. Like I would go out and when I was making the transition, being a lender, like I wanted to see the financial and I wanted to see very quickly before I wasted my time to see if I thought it was somewhat doable because I could tell by looking it was either. A yes, a no, or most time in between. And my boss said to me, Peter, here's the thing, if you're gonna build relationships with people, all you need to ask them. Is how do they start their business? Entrepreneurs wanna talk about how they started and you will learn. And even if you can't do it, you're gonna learn stuff about them that will help you. And, and so that was the other thing I got good at, but that wasn't like my natural tendency because I wanted to like rush to see whether I could do it or not. But that wasn't providing service or what I call value added to them. And so that, that I had to learn that. Yeah, but I got good at it. Oh, it's so great. And it's so interesting too, like when you ask these entrepreneurs and business owners, how did you get started? They'll go on for 30 minutes and you'll learn so much about an industry or you know, their family or their life and you, I think you hit a perfect point there. Most people. Aren't operating that way. They're going in and they're just thinking, what's the bottom line? How many points am I charging? How much interest are they paying? You know, let's do the loan. And they're not thinking about like, how did you get to where you are right now? You know what? What is your goal pushing forward into the future? Like, why do you keep doing this when you're 65 years old? Right, and digging into those things creates relationships, and that's what creates business is relationships. So I wanna share, I have a personal mission statement I wanna share with you because I love when you trying to figure out what motivates people. So here's my personal mission statement. My personal mission statement is, every day I will positively affect as many people as possible. Now. When I was about 25, I got sick and I was in the hospital for about 10 days and they did not know what was wrong with me. And then they finally figured it out. And I remember at that time, it was about a year before that I came out, I remember sitting in the hospital and they told me I was okay. I started to cry hysterically. Because I thought if that was my last day on this earth, there wasn't a single person that would miss me, and I was overwhelmed by feeling like that. So I came up with my first, I didn't call it a mission statement. I had not done a lot of person development then, but basically I was like, whatever's my time, the guy takes me to the next, wherever I'm going. That there'd be one person in this world that would miss me. And what that did is I realized I needed to make my life about others and not myself. And so after I realized that I had gotten to at least one person that would miss me, I changed my personal mission statement to which is what is today and what I know, the reason I know it's true is because there are times in your life where. You're going to be pushed and you're gonna realize, is that truly my mission? Now, for me it is. During the pandemic, I came very close to retiring. You know, all of my rental properties I own free and clear. I haven't had a mortgage in. 30 years. And I have a great life and so I don't have to work anymore. But then I was like, like by day two I'd be bored. Okay? Like, I'm a high energy guy, what would I do? And so I didn't, but here's a thing. You can tell, Hey, if somebody knows me or not, if people cannot finish what the question I'm gonna start or the statement, they do not know me. Here's the statement. Every morning I get up at what time? You wanna take a guess? 5:00 AM right? 4:00 AM four third, oh, four, 4:00 AM. Now if they do not know that, they do not know me because every one of my friends. Now why do I do that? Between four and 7:00 AM those are three hours. Nobody bothers me. So those three hours, I need time to run my companies, right? And so it's probably equivalent to seven or eight hours of emails going back and forth and on the phone. So the rest of the day after that gives me opportunities to go out, meet with people. Before COVID I was doing over a hundred one-on-one meetings a month. Now I'm back at about 30, but. I couldn't do that. I go, and I'm lucky I get to speak at conferences at different brokerages and I love that. But I couldn't do that if I didn't do my four to seven. And I don't set an alarm clock. My body is very, you know, when you do that is used to that. And I love the quiet, that's me. Time that I get centered, you know, for the rest of the world and the rest of the day. What time do you, what time do you usually go to bed? Midnight. What? Four hours. That's it. And you wanna hear something? Oh my gosh, I, you, I get up just like this. Like I'm ready to go. There's like, no, like easing into it. That's just it. Well, you have a supernatural gift because if I get four hours of sleep, I am not quite as chipper.'cause people are like, well you, you must like, just like kind of I said. Hey, what do you mean? I'm down here now? I don't know if you've had ever had friends that were like in BNI groups, right, which is like Power Core. So I was in that when I was in the banking world for many years. And so, you know, a lot of times their meetings start about 7:00 AM So a couple times I had some people call me like at five, they'd gotten up, they just wanted to see if I would answer the phone I gave and I said, look, I'm answering this once just to make sure you're okay. Now you're okay. I'm not doing that. You're gonna have to wait till seven o'clock'cause I don't really. Unless it's emergency at four to seven is me time. But if I, somebody calls and I'm afraid that, you know, God forbid there's an accident or some bats happen, I won't answer it, but they're just shocked that like, I truly, you know, am ob but I am. That's crazy. Yeah. I, I, I wake up around seven. Every day. And so I guess my, my day is starting when your day is finishing, basically, well, my, my, wait, it's not finishing when you're, it's finishing my running. My company's now phase two, which is what gives me the most pleasure, which is now going out and meeting with people and having the opportunity to positively affect the lives of others. Absolutely. So when you were meeting with a hundred people one-on-one every month. What was the objective of these meetings? And also were there people that you would say no to meeting, or would you just say yes to anybody who wanted to meet? I love that, so I did not say yes to everybody, and so for me, they had to be like in the real estate arena. There, and most of those people I had met at my networking bank, real estate connections, so that way I prioritize. So before I put some of my time out there, because people, you know, want my time I want them to experience because they're having a better sense for me Objective is to really find out from people like where they are, where, where they come from, where they are, where they wanna go, and to give'em some clarity on what their goals are and not wishes, right? Sometimes people will say, I'm, I'm gonna go networking. Then I'm like, great, what's your goal? I just wanna meet as many people as possible. And I'm like, well, if it's not measured by when, it's a wish and not a goal. It's much more powerful and measurable. So let's just take what you said and make it a goal and you know, then find out, give'em some, an opportunity to talk about challenges. And then, you know, I always end all of my week meetings with people is how can I help you? And so. Anybody who's been my means know, that's how you know If I haven't seen you a month, three months, six months, that's always gonna be my last question. And. It's just very fulfilling to me to be able to do that now with a hundred, even 30 I stack appointments, right? 30 minutes. So let's say you're coming in and I'm like, okay, Haydynn, like, who are the people you wanna meet? Do you wanna meet money people? Do you wanna meet realtors? You wanna meet investors? What does that look like? And so when I'm trying to work on my calendar, I can't always, but what I'm trying to do is put people that would be good. To introduce. So they're gonna meet somebody typically before when they get there, they're gonna sit there and then they're gonna meet the person who's got the meeting after after them. So this is something that I I would always run into when I was doing a ton of one-on-one, like in-person meetings is sometimes you just get in a good conversation and like. It just flows over. So how do you deal with that when you've been talking to somebody for 30 minutes and it's just not quite enough time? Do you just cut it off and say like, Hey, it's been great talking to you, but I've got another appointment, or do you keep going? So I do not keep going out there. So one of two things happen. Either the next appointment's there. Or I'm very clear with people when I set it up. That's for 30 minutes. So if it gets close and, and something good, I would say something like this, you know what, Haydynn, boy, I really enjoyed this. And set up another meeting because a lot of times after 30 minutes, it's almost like too much. And so and typically if I meet with people and I love folks that want to me to mentor them, then I've given them homework assignments. So before they get a second, they have to have done their homework assignments. So for example, one of the things that I do with folks, and it's mostly younger people, but really I could use with anybody, one of their homework assignments is they have to do a budget. Now sometimes they look at me like I'm crazy and so let's can we just play a little game here? Haydynn, are you game to play a little game with me? Okay. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say a word and when I say it, I want you to say the first thing that comes to your mind. Okay. Ready, budget, annoying. Great. So a lot of people will say controlling stuff like that. Now I, let's reverse roles. I want you to say budget, and I want you to see the word I say budget. Freeing. Freeing. Now, the reason I want people to do a budget is this is what I truly believe. People cannot make good decisions if they do not understand how much money they need to live. And see this is something you're gonna run into, I run into is I have a lot of people that want to get into business by themselves, become a full-time investor, do other things. Well, how can you do that if you don't know like how much money you need to live? One of the hardest things about being a entrepreneur as investor, 10 99 entrepreneur, we all are, is a lot of people do not understand that. It could be a spouse, it could be parents. They're like, wait a minute. You work two weeks. You paid for two weeks. That's not how it works in our world. Right? Right. Every day you're planting seeds for the flower to grow, but it could be a month, three months, six months, what your. Having today is not the work of today. It's from the past, and so you have to understand that flow. Of cash, how long it takes to get a pipeline. I mean, and then at some point we have some experience reverse engineer. I'm looking to make this much money work back words of all the things you need to make that happen on there. But you know, it's stressful. And for some people what happens, and especially when you're younger, you don't have a whole lot of money. You might have credit card debt is people, they, they just put their heads in the sand. And they're like, okay, that Bill, they pay as it comes, but they don't prioritize. Right? You have X amount of money. You need to know ahead of time what you're gonna pay, what you're not going to pay. And so it's really, and people are surprised, like sometimes how they spend money. And I would tell you the number one thing that surprises people most. You wanna take the thing. People spend a lot of money that that is an aha moment when they take their last 12 months worth of bank statements and their debit cards and they realize how much money they're spending on Take a guess. Eating out, eating out, and drinking. I. They're like, oh my God, I had no idea. So like, to me, the, the budget's not about being controlling. It's about power. Power is information. So if you wanna do that, great, but if you have an X amount of money and you are spending that much, what are you not gonna be able to spend it on? So I'm about making choices and being aware versus putting your head in the sand. Yeah. I mean, I am very guilty of shoving my head in the, in the sand many times. You know? And you're exactly right. As a young entrepreneur, I. Some, some months I've got great months where I make like$10,000 and other months, like the last three months, you get paid like two,$3,000 and yet you have a lot of expenses that come out. So yeah, it's but wouldn't you, maybe I, maybe I need to participate in your advice here and, and make my budget. Yeah. Because w wouldn't you like to know like how much money you need to live? Now that's different than what you want, certain things you might want, but I'm just a believer if you're going to make good choices of things that you're gonna do or not do, you've got to have that type of information available. Right. I think for a lot of people though, where they get stuck, Haydynn is they judge themselves. Right? See, I'm the least judgmental person to me. I don't care what you have, it's the roadmap to get where you wanna go. So don't be afraid of like, and so many people wanna compare those to other people. That's a lose lose. You have to compare yourself to who you were a day, a month, six months, a year ago, but then to come up with a roadmap of where you wanna go because the only person you control is yourself. You don't control what anybody else says. Does reacts. I would say also that people not even compare themselves to other people. They compare themselves to the image of other people. Hmm. It's, it's not that you, you know, I don't compare myself to you, Peter, I, I look at your Instagram or I look at your assets or whatever, and I compare myself to the image that you portray because so often, even I, I mean like I'll fall in this trap myself. You know, you go look at somebody on Instagram and they're. Showing off whatever they're showing off and you're like, man, they're my age. Like, but you don't see the backend, right? You don't see the debt that they're in, or maybe the is borrowed from somebody else, or maybe their parents gave$200 million, right? Yeah, exactly. Here's, I would tell you, Haydynn, one of the things that was life changing for me, so if you get nothing else out today. I hope you really hear what I'm going to say. One of the most freeing times of my life was when I realized I didn't really care what anybody else thought of me. First, you control is who? You can control yourself that do con you. No, you don't control anybody else. And so I'm, I think one of the worst qualities people can have is be a people pleaser. Because here's the problem with that. If you're doing stuff for the detriment of you, then what? When they change your mind that you have no control over, you're gonna feel X about yourself on there. And look, a lot of times when, when you were talking, what people do is they compare their insides to other people's outsides. You have no idea the warts and all the stuff that they have gone through. Mm-hmm. And like, here's the thing, I don't care what people think of me. Now here's something that. People who know me well know this. I absolutely hate to drive. If I've never had to drive another day in my life, I would be happy. So during my life, I've had some fancy cars, but I don't anymore. I like, I have a small car because I don't like to park. I don't like to do some of the other stuff on there. So I don't care what people think. And they go, oh, what a horrible car. I don't care what people think. I don't have a mortgage on any of my properties. I could care less what they think. Because my happiness and how I feel depends on me and my insides. That took me many years of, you know, working on myself and my mind, not other people. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. So I wanna ask about you know, how you developed yourself in. Relationship building because I know for me, when I started in networking and connecting with people, I. I guess about five years ago I was, I was a lot different than I am now and, you know, I paid attention to different things and, and I like to think I've gotten a little bit better at what I do. So as you were developing in networking, what are some changes that you would recommend that other people make that may not be doing it now, that if you like, look back retrospectively on yourself when you were getting started? All right, so I always say, Haydynn, I know what I'm really good at and I know what I'm not very good at. I think it's really important to understand that. So one of my superpowers is I understand the importance of building, but you're not done. And then nurturing relationships. So you have to understand that you have to invest time with people that it's not quick. You know, I think one of the biggest mistakes people make when they go to a networking event is they throw up on people. What I mean is if you go to an event and you, all you do is you give people your card, you're throwing up on that, and the expectation when people think that they're gonna get business out of going to a networking event is not a great expectation. Right. The expectation is you're gonna meet people. The network invents the funnel to meeting them and have'em, you know, one-on-one. We know people who do business, people they know, like, and trust, and it takes. A lot of time to build trust with people. So you have to be authentic. You have to, you know, do what you say you're going to do. I'm big on making and keeping agreements. That's what builds trust over and over. It goes from trust to integrity and. But I think people forget about nurturing. You know I always say this in business, the number one reason that somebody will give you a referral and not give you a second, is they didn't feel appreciated. So then you have to take a look at what do you do. So remember, head, heart, what do you do to make people feel loved and appreciated? That's what they're gonna remember about you. You know, you could be brand new and maybe you don't have all the knowledge you think you need to know. Okay? We all started new. But what you can do regardless of your knowledge, is come from a place of love and abundance and how to help people. And so getting good at asking people how you can help them now, it doesn't mean that you're going to help them. Because there might be not, but you know, if somebody tells me I need something and like, Hey Peter, do you know A, B, and C? I may not know that person, but what I, my experience has been is when I'm looking for that, or now I'm attuned, all of a sudden they seem to appear. Now why is that? Because now I'm aware of in my subconscious, and I've moved it to the front of my head. Isn't it called? Is that the Pareto? No, that's the Pareto is 80 20 principle. What is the effect? Like when you buy a red Toyota camera, you start seeing red Toyota cameras. Yeah. That's your, its like, yeah, it's like we go to movie theater and they have that sub limit subliminal message because that's what they're trying to do is, you know about the Coke and the popcorn and some of the other stuff on there. And so it's your mind then is. Focused on that. And so you just Yeah. You, you put it in the computer. Yeah. It's, it's, it's just like a, you know, before I bought my Tesla, how often did I notice a Tesla? Maybe a few times, but now when I'm driving I notice like 25 of them. Right? Yeah. And so it works the exact same way. And there's several times this documented books that I've read. But you know, as soon as you ask How can I help you? What can I be on the lookout for, for you? And whenever someone asks me that, I always tell them I'm looking to talk to accredit investors to talk about my fund.'cause I'm raising capital for Arcadia and. Oh, hey there. It's me again. I know you expected Morgan Freeman to come on and talk about the biggest company in the world. Well, I'm sorry, but you get the next best thing. This show is sponsored by the company that I co founded, Acadia Capital, and acadia is a hard money lending fund originating loans in Southeast Tennessee and Northern Georgia on residential one to four unit renovation properties. We are regulation D five Oh six C fund and are actively seeking accredited investors. We provide fantastic first position real estate back returns. If you're ready to get your tired and lazy capital to work with a minimum 8 percent return, go to Acadia loans. com backslash invest. Not only do we accept standard investments, but we can also accept self directed IRAs and other self directed retirement accounts to take advantage of tax advantage investing. Thank you so much for listening to Art of Connecting now back to the show. Have I gotten an investor out of saying that to every single person that asked me that question yet? No. But now that I'm putting that out there, you put out what you're trying, your goals are, because if you're not doing that, no one else is gonna be able to help you get to your goal. Okay. Can can, can we get real here? Can I have a little more? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So here's what I, if I were you, I would take a look at. So. You don't even have to answer this question. You can if you want to, but if not, I want you to like think about it. When people ask you how they can help you, a lot of time it is the order. Before they do that, have you asked them how you can help them? Now the reason that's important is if you start by talking about me, me, me, me, me. You haven't started building a relationship, and so people still have a wall open. But when you show interest in people first, then first, typically what happens is then they're gonna ask you that, but you're gonna get more. It's gonna be a more positive experience. If they asked you, then if you say what you want, yes. And you haven't showed interest, you showing interest to somebody first. Is so important. So that question always has come after I've asked what re you know, what relationships I can provide for that person, or I, I would like to connect you to this person and this person because I think it would be helpful for you to learn or you know, for your business. So that question doesn't really just naturally get asked to me unless I've served someone else in some way. You know, it's not, not really a, a typical question that people ask. So I think if you can be the one to ask it first, or, you know, for me, a lot of times I'm just providing value first. You know, sitting down, having a, a lunch or coffee, and it's not about me. Like I try to talk about me as little as possible. It's, it's what do they need? How can I help them?'cause that's what really gives me fulfillment. So let me ask you this. When you meet with people, what's your objective? I. That's a great question'cause I asked you the same thing. My objective when I am meeting with people is really, it sums up in one word, which is alignment. Before I take a meeting with someone similar to you, I like to look, I. And say, you know, is this person likely gonna be aligned with the direction that I'm going? Are they in real estate fund management, finance? And if they're not, it's not always a no. You know, maybe I have met them before and we're just gonna have an interesting conversation. But business specifically, when I'm meeting with someone, I'm looking for alignment. You know, are there, do we have similar goals to each other? And then from there, I, the first thing I wanna see is. Is there a way that I could help this person get to where they want to go Through people who I know, and that is like the number one goal of what I can get outta the meeting because I know, and it's not like a, it kind of, I guess is selfish. Everything we do is a little selfish, but I know if I can help that person reach out to the person that's gonna help them, then they're gonna reciprocate in some way, shape or form, whether it's immediate or whether it's 10 years down the road. Okay. So I'm play the devil's advocate here. I liked absolute everything you said, but I would tell you what my experience has been. Haydynn is sometimes you don't know who they're, who they're looking to meet. See, my first person development workshop, I didn't understand personal development, right? And like in the a year after I had all these light bulbs, but this is something that has stuck with me for the last 35 years. What the lady teaching class said is, look. When somebody says or does something, you go into your mind and think, if I said or did this, this is what I'm thinking. The flaw with that is we're all programmed differently. Mm-hmm. So my experience, and I would just say. Just something to think about and, and I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to figure out whether you take a meaning or not, but what I would be careful about is trying to figure out what you think that you could do for them. See, that's why I ask people how I can help them.'cause sometimes you're gonna hear stuff that's gonna surprise you. Like really, like we all assume that people are going to answer that question the way we would answer. You don't know that. So I learned you have to ask and that builds a relationship on there. And you have to be open because you're gonna, again, you're gonna hear stuff like Mindboggling. I had no idea that's what that person needed. Yeah, well and you never I It's so true. You always look at things through your lens, right?'cause it's our only point of reference. We do. And I, I've asked that question sometimes, and the, the answer was like, as simple as a text message. Right? So, and, and it can go the other way too. My problem, my biggest problem in the world right now for me could be one, one text message away for somebody else to solve, right? And it is, a lot of times I'm meeting with people, you know, it's like, oh, I, I really could use a connection to this person. This will solve my biggest issue. And I'm like, oh. Easy. You know, I've got three people that I can connect you to and you can choose. And they're like, what? Like, that's crazy. And, and yeah, it's, it's so fascinating'cause you don't know what people need until you ask what their problems are. And look, if you think about it, what are we trying to do when we network? We're trying to build the nurture relationship. So when you ask people. And they respond. That starts building like the road and the foundation of the relationship. See, here's one of the other problems I think people make. And I've done this, I think every one of us has done this at least once, whether we realize it or not. You go and you meet with someone and they're like the big fish or whale and you think this person is going to be the answer to like so much I want. And you're sitting there and you're thinking, I want'em to think that I'm the best things since sliced bread. And they start talking and you're in your mind thinking, okay, what am I gonna say that's gonna impress'em? Here's the problem with that. When you're doing that, you're not in your heart, you're in your head, you're not listening, and people can tell and feel that you're not paying attention. Hmm. See, when I meet with people, I, I know what I'm gonna ask them and I know I'm gonna stay present during that time. And so, the meanings typically go well because I'm just really, it's a heart to heart for me and not, you know, I'm not wondering what am I gonna ask because I already know the questions before I go. And what are those questions? I typically wanna know what their goals are for the next year. I wanna know what their biggest challenges are, and I wanna know how I can help them. Awesome. So if you focus on those three things, the meeting will typically go well. It. Here's the thing, I don't have any preconceived notions, but what I know is that the re it's gonna things and relationships are gonna go the way they're supposed to see. Mm-hmm. As human beings, and we do this our own personal lives, even I think more than this, but if you meet someone and you think. That they're going to be the best thing. The problem is you're projecting who you want them to be while time tells you really who they are. So you have to give people the space to be who they are instead of them being who we want them to be. Because people, I, one of the things I learned early on in my personal development is change. Hope for it. Don't expect it. You can't expect people to change. They're only gonna change if they wanna change. Not because you want them to change. Right. Hmm, that's wonderful. Yeah. It's, it's just getting to talk to you is always so fascinating for the first time that Shane introduced us, I've always just enjoyed your perspective and getting to learn from you. And you know, when you're talking about the big fish, I've had some meetings with some really big fish. And it's so easy to, like, when you're walking into that, you're like just trying to rack your head of like, how am I going to, you know, talk to this billionaire, or, you know, what am I gonna ask this guy that's done at a hundred x? What I even dream of doing? And, and I, I, this is my personal frame of reference in what I do. I just like tell the voices to quiet down and I say, this is a person. I, it does not matter how much stuff they have. I've actually, in my personal experience, I found the richest, the richest people that I've met are like some of the coolest, most down to earth, really, genuinely nice people. And you know, there's this image out there that all these rich people are evil and that they, you know, are out there maniacally, you know, putting their hands together on what they're gonna do bad today. And it's been the exact opposite experience for me, and I. When you walk into those conversations with the, using air quotes here, the big fish, and you just put yourself on the same level and say, this is just a dude. This is just a gal. It is so amazing that the conversations you'll have, I always just try to stay humble and seek advice like, and if you just ask for advice at one of one person that I met that is a said big fish, I said. You know, what, what are some books you would recommend on capital raising? He's, he exited his company for billions of dollars. I said, what are some books you'd recommend on capital raising? He said, Haydynn, if you wanna raise money, ask for advice. If you want to get advice, start asking for money. And that stuck with me. So I, I just, I asked for advice'cause I need it. And we all need it no matter where we're at. Here's been my experience, Haydynn, the people who are. Your probably definition of success are the people who write, who are humble and nice. My experience are the people who want to be or think they are sometimes aren't. See, I'll share, like my, my whole life is an open book. I. And I like being around people who are like that because if you're going to build a relationship with people, you have to have this openness. Like none of us are perfect. We've all made mistakes. Nobody's life goes like this. We all have somewhat of a rollercoaster, but there are people who want you to think that they're perfect. Those are the people I stay away from on there because those are the folks who image is more important than. The results and helping and sharing and bringing, and I never wanna be around people who are, have the mindset of, if I help you, that takes away from me. I've come from love and abundance is enough for everybody. I'm there, I'll share what I can and help others. And those are the types of people that, that to me is about being rich, is helping. Yes. And sharing and you know, positively affecting the lives of others. That's exactly it. Yeah. Oh, I just got back from Haiti on the fourth serving on a, a mission trip there and that, that can't resonate more. It's just so true. You, the true, the true, like the happiest I've been in probably the last year was being in a place where. I quote, had nothing. Right. It's when you get to serve others and come from a genuine heart of not having a preconceived notion of what you're gonna provide for somebody. It's true happiness. It's, it's not about the things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well we've come upon our time here. Time goes by so quickly when you're on a podcast. If you, if you ever want a day to go by, quickly get onto the podcast.'cause it's going to fly by when you get to talk to the most interesting people in the world. So, Peter, I'm gonna ask our final question here, and that is, what is a connection to a person or a group of people that changed the trajectory of your life or career? So I would say this. I learned early on a couple things and that was I want to surround myself with other positive like-minded people. You never find anybody who's in my inner group that's negative because sometimes it takes one negative person. It's like kudzu. It just builds and it just, it changes the whole you know, the energy in the group on there. And so the other thing that I think is really important is as an entrepreneur to surround yourself with other entrepreneurs, because I define an entrepreneur as a way of life, and there's so many people, like, like parents. Boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, that they're great people. They don't understand our mentality. They think, well, but wait a minute. You, you've been working for two weeks. Like, what do you mean you, you're working hard. There's no money coming in. They don't understand that. And so I. If you don't hang around other people who are like that, then sometimes it's easy to start questioning yourself versus people who would talk about their struggles and different things that they've gone through. And so I think you have to be careful. I, without the person having a name, but the type of person that is gonna love and support and. You have to be careful. Never just quel other people's dreams. But it is, it's good when you start mentoring to kind of like a rubber band, push them or stretch them to places that they didn't even think they could go. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And it's, as a mentor myself to some people, it's so incredible to. There's very few things that, that give you more happiness than watching your, your quote unquote student become successful. You know? And whenever they're celebrating their wins, you're, you're celebrating them just as much. You know, my, my social media team, when we start working together and they've busted their tail, it's not me, you know, it's them doing this, but they were at a thousand a month and now they're at six a few months later, and I'm just like, I could not be more proud of them for. Taking some of, it's some of my advice and a lot of their work, you know, it's just like, Hey, make this little tweak. Like, you know, if you're feeling this here, why don't you, you know, try this. And then they, they implement that and it's so fulfilling to get to do that. So if you're listening to this and you have knowledge on something, even if you don't think that you're the, a good mentor, you know, put yourself out there. Be open to helping people who wanna learn more about what you do, because. It's, it's one of the, the highest honors to get to be a mentor. Well, Peter, this has been such a fun episode. I have just such, I always just enjoy getting to spend time with you. You're, you're just so awesome. If people wanna follow you or come to any of your events that you have in Atlanta or just learn more from you, what's the best place to do that? So I have a heavy presence on Facebook, right? You can reach out to me, friend. I've got a real estate connection group. I have over 21,000 people in that group. I'm active on LinkedIn, I'm on Instagram. And so, and those places are. You know easy to reach out. I do two live events a month here. The first Tuesday of every month. I'm in west Midtown third Tuesday of every month. I'm in downtown Alpharetta and I'm excited'cause October will be the 15 year anniversary of my networking Met Real Estate Connections and the only months we missed were during the pandemic. So I'm proud of that. That's incredible. Well, guys if you're still listening to this, I just want to thank you so much for listening to the show. Without this, it's me talking to my friends and mentors into a microphone. So just so excited that you're here listening with us. Please share this episode with a friend. If you got something about a value out of this, truly the best way for a podcast to grow organically. And then also if you can leave a five star rating review wherever you're listening to the show. With all of that, we'll see you guys on the next episode of Art of Connecting.