Episode 16| Lisi Chavarri: How She Co-Founded A Giving Circle That Gives $15,000+ Away Per Quarter With 100+ Women Who Care, Chattanooga

Lisi Chavarri is a mom, realtor, adventurer and co-founder of 100+ Women Who Care of Chattanooga. She encountered a giving circle while living in Florida, and when she moved back to Chattanooga, she realized the need to create something similar here. In this episode, we have several good talks about ways to stand out when networking. We also talk to people in sales on how to overcome "commission breath." If you enjoy the episode, please leave a 5 star review, and share it with a friend!

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I think it's also because collectively, most people are, even though they don't seem like they are, it's an energy thing. You're walking into a room full of strangers. It's, it's perfectly normal to feel uncomfortable. It's not a setting that, you know I do agree on the social lubricant lubricating. I've never heard that term. But going back to the just connection part is, you know, if you are in that setting and if you're trying to build your business, More importantly, focus on your sphere. Because your sphere of influence eventually becomes your business. Even if that person that you met, never does business with you. Because if, you have created a raving fan in who you are and the resources you can provide, The day that, that person's friend is looking for the problem that you can solve, they're going to think of you. Welcome back to the art of connecting podcast. This is your host Hayden Fike here. After a quite too long hiatus, I have been roaming around between Puerto Rico and different countries in Europe and have not consistently been posting as I'm sure several of you have noticed. However, we're back in the saddle and things are going to get better than they've ever been before. And we're super excited about it. So today we have our guest. Today is Lisa She is a realtor at the scout group, also a mom and also a founder of a nonprofit organization that we'll talk about today. So the inspiration of having Lisi on the podcast was came from Rebecca kill days, interview. Where she talked about a hundred plus women who care. And she actually mentioned Lisi by names. I was like, Hey, you should get me Lisa's contact so I can have her on my podcast too. And that led to where we are now about probably three months later. So it's so good to have you on today. How are you doing. I'm great. Thank you for having me. Oh, it's for having. Having me back. We are rerecording this episode. You, if you've listened to all the episodes, you probably know how many times I screwed something up and had to rerecord. Last time we recorded our episode, I didn't put the input onto the right microphone. So it sounded like it was recorded out of a tin can. And I love you guys too much to put you through 45 minutes of that. So we are back again. And we're going to talk a little bit about connecting. So let's start off with a hundred plus women who cares. That's the whole reason we got connected. Can you tell the listeners a little bit about what a hundred plus is and what you guys do? Absolutely. And just to kind of rephrase what you said, we are a giving circle of, or an Alliance of women that get together quarterly four times a year. It's a one hour commitment and a hundred dollars per member. And the the goal is if we bring a hundred plus women together and collectively bring, you know, bring a hundred dollars per person. We can give$10,000 or more to a local charity. What's really neat about this is that we have a social hour prior to you and you get to meet a lot of women so the idea is if we get a hundred plus women together, we can give$10,000 or more to a local charity. What I really love about this is the relationships that are fostered through these meetings and connections. I mean, they go far beyond the meeting that day. So it's really a treat to be able to be at the front lines of it and just witness it grow over the years. And more importantly, what we've been able to do collectively for our community. That's amazing. So I know from our previous conversation this giving circle was started by seven different people, right? Yes. So tell me a little bit about that origin story. How did, how did this come about of. Doing something like this. Sure. You know, I'd have to say it's fate. I think we all had a different kind of, we were on a different path. My personal story was about eight years ago. Actually more than that now I lived in Miami is where I'm from. And one of my friends started one of these. Giving circles. And it was really neat. I mean, in Miami, there's always something to go to networking, social, whatever the case may be. And it was a big girl's night out and saw a group of my friends there and all of a sudden. Someone just kind of led and took over the room and started these presentations. And I thought that was really different. And then sure enough, we heard from three local charities from south Florida and. Someone was awarded a check that night. So it kind of stuck with me and fast forward now. It's been over 10 years. I moved here. I relocated from New York city. And I wanted to go ahead and tap into and become part of that community only to find that it didn't exist. So I felt a little led to potentially, even though I didn't know anybody to start that and it took. It takes a village. It still does. And through, through contacting the Alliance. Someone locally had also had an experience with a giving circle in another city. And they brought us together and we thought it'd be best if we got it started together. So here we are. That's amazing. Just hearing you talk about that. I think about the power of getting a group of people together. There's just so much power in that. Because a a hundred dollars, like. I mean, you're not going to just toss it out on the street and not think about it, but also a hundred dollars is not really like, you're not going to be like, Man. I wish I wouldn't have spent a hundred dollars. I'm going to be broken out. So I think it's interesting when you get a group of a hundred people together with a hundred dollars, just the compound effect of like, wow, now we can really make an impact. With a gift to someone and really change lives. And I think that's just super cool. Yeah. And I chair a Chattanooga is one of the most charitable cities I've ever lived in. So I feel like most of us, we give to a lot of really good Charities and non-profits in town, but to be able to be there in person, not only to hear what's happening on what's needed locally, but when you come back to these meetings, the recipient from Pryor comes forward and says, this is what we've done with your money. It's just, it makes you feel like you're really part of it, like you're on the front lines. So that's where the magic happens. And it's really hard to try to explain that to someone when you invite them to one of these meetings. Yeah, absolutely. So, what does a pitch typically look like are like cut on what is the format that someone could expect if they were a nonprofit. So we, we do have a process and, and, you know, to start off, you do have to be a member in good standing for a year because we don't want you to just come choose what you want and then move on. We do, we do kind of. We count on everybody being in those meetings so that we can continue to give those checks at. At those amounts. So if a member in good standing. Comes and nominated charity. There's a vetting process. As long as they meet the requirements and they serve Chattanooga. Then they are put in a hat and at random they're chosen at the meeting. So you can expect to hear a five minute presentation from the member, or they can nominate someone from the The nonprofit to present on their behalf. And then you have a five minute Q and a. Okay, cool. So it's, it's like quick. Very quick and easy. Yeah. And it's always really difficult because there's so many great organizations in town. But yet it's, it's very easy. Yeah. Awesome. And does like all the money go to one person or is it okay, so you, you basically, you vote and you pick your favorite, you pick your favorite one that needs the most, because again, it's, it's all about what's needed now. Okay. What's really neat is in the past year, almost a year. Now we've partnered with the Schultz family, the best buy family, and now they match up to$10,000 or half of 50% of the$10,000. To our recipients on top of the$10,000 or more that we give. That's incredible. Yeah, it. So tell me a little bit about the founding process. How, how to do ladies get together. And, you know, it, it's a pretty monumental task to get a hundred people at the same place at the same time. So I guess my first part of it would be like, how did y'all come together? And we kind of talked about it a little bit. This was like a few people had maybe thought about it, but what did that look like? It was. So I think we finally, I decided to meet the women that were interested in starting it in the Alliance had contacted me to say, Hey, there is someone else in town that's asking. So I said, sure, let's meet. We met at first watching north shore it's Betsy and. And Patty at the time and my mom, who's also one of the co-founders. She came with me. And we just met and we hit it off and we both had the same vision. We both had no idea. Or should we say all four of us had no idea how we were going to do it. And we decided that let me add, Brittany was there too. But So many of us. But we just all said, we're going to do this. What's really nice about this is that it's non governing. So as long as we, you know, do what we're supposed to do, we can do it. Doesn't matter how we do it. I love to event plan. I love to bring people together. I'm very social. So that's kind of like what I've taken on. So I love because we have so many events that we're competing with in town. I want women, whether they're single professional. You know, family to come and have an experience outside of it. I it's not necessary. The meeting itself is captivating, but it's really nice because that's where the connections begin. So that's where I think Rebecca killed defect. She fell in love with the idea of networking, because you do get to meet a lot of people and they're going to have a lot in common with you because they're there to give right. Yeah. And I know this philosophy of givers gain. How, how have you experienced that in your life? Like what are some, some times where maybe full circle came and you're like, wow, that's really. This is because I was willing to give, you know, I don't look at it that way. I, you know, I think you and I both share the same faith. I think that it just, that's just part of it. We don't do it because of that, but, you know, I think organically things do come because of it. But no, I mean, I'm blessed. I love my life. I cannot say it's one thing or the other, I just try to do what's right. Or that I know to do that's right. And, but yes, I, I do think that we do get a lot of reciprocity because of it. And more importantly, we get to witness firsthand. What's what's happening. And a lot of people come to us with a need, and it's very empowering to say, we cannot help you at this very moment, but just plug into our community and someone else that you might need to meet. Is there, you know, so it's just a blessing to be able to just say those words. I just sent an email like that this week. Yeah. Yeah. And I, as a connector myself I, I sort of just wanted to do a Texas if I was like, Hey, this guy in Atlanta said that you would be good for me to contact because you know, people. Wow. I. Yeah, it's incredible. To be able to help people, not even in my own state, in a completely other city. And I, I think I have somebody who can help him with the problem he's having. So it's it truly the, the, the more you put into going and showing up. When you have a need, even if it can't be fulfilled at that moment, right. You know, you might meet that person that can. Help you figure out what you need. I agree. Yeah. Cool. So Let's talk a little bit about The the. More personal side, I guess like, so as far as life and. Coming coming to a new city. So you came from New York to Chattanooga. How did that happen? I was expecting my son and I came to have the baby. My family's here. Just to kind of give you some context. And I came to just have the baby, but as it turns out, it takes a village. And the idea of moving away after my parents had met my son, that they have such a beautiful relationship. It just didn't make sense. And it wasn't necessarily more. And that's part of motherhood, right. You just kinda say what's best for my son. And it was tough, but I've fallen in love with Chattanooga and it's it's I mean, it's home. Yeah, absolutely. I've. I've been all over creation and. Every time I leave and go somewhere for any extended period of time. And like, I just want to be back in Chattanooga. It's one of those places where you come here and it's really hard to leave. Yeah. You feel rooted? Yeah, because it's like you, you talked so much about community. There's such a tight knit community here. But it's not hard to plug in either. And you just have to find them. And again, I mean, A hundred plus women who care has a lot of different multifaceted meetings for me. I mean, yes, first and foremost, we like to give back to our community, but I love. Helping others. My, my, I guess you could call it. Mantra is you aren't truly fulfilled. Until you do the impossible for someone else. And being in that setting and just saying, Hey, you need to meet such and such person, or you need to hear about this. And it just makes it such an organic place to have those, you know Serendip I can never say that word. Sarah independence. It's just creating that environment or that kind of yeah. The environment to do that. Yeah. Yeah. And you have to be willing to put yourself out there too. Well, when you get lost in acts of service for somebody else, it doesn't feel uncomfortable. And I guess, I guess networking, it was never a word that I love because I don't network per se, even though I probably really do. And I'm really good at it, but I call it connecting and I call it like problem solving or I call it. It's just, that's my, you know, my gift. I love connecting. I love matchmaking people. Yes. That's literally the whole premise behind a podcast. Let's come up with the name. I was using chat TBT. And I was like, what am I going to call my podcasts? Like, I know I want to do a podcast about how to network, how to build connections with people. And I was like, I don't want, I hadn't networking at first in the name. And I was like, I just, it's a good start. It is, but networking. Isn't it right. Networking is a small piece of it. And I, we were going to, well, this is a great time to have a conversation about what we were talking about before. You know, Networking has this connotation of you're you're going in a room. Like if I put my eyes closed and someone said, think about a networking event, right? I would be like, all right, I'm walking into a cheap hotel lobby. I'm looking for the conference room there. There are some name tags there and a little bowl to put your business card in. And you go stand in a room with some coffee. And hope someone walks up to you, right. Or walk up to someone awkwardly. While they're in the middle of a conversation and stand there and. And then they go, oh, Hey. Who are you? What do you do? Right. And that's, that's not all there is to it. You know, there's so many different things. That's a great approach. I almost feel like in those settings when it's so formal and networking, there should be icebreakers because. Even the person that's the most confident and can speak all day long about their business. May have an anxiety in that setting because it's so cold and it's so cut off. Yeah. So yeah, I agree., I enjoy going to those types of events. I enjoy them less now that I've seen other things. And understand the different things that are out there, but I still enjoy going to them because it's, it's just something different, right? It's not what your average people are open in a networking event, even if they're introverted or. Closed off. Traditionally, if you show up in that room, a lot of the people are like, well, I'm here. So I guess I have to talk to somebody. And something that's a good practice. If you're listening to this and you're going into your first networking event and it's that type of event. Is just be the most interested person in the room. Great one. If you focus on being more interested, Yeah. And what people are saying, you will be the most interesting person in the room. Is it so hard to find somebody that will just listen to you in this world? There's a whole art in that, right. There should be a whole show on that. I would agree. I think, I think what served me well, because even though I'm 98% extrovert per Jordan Peterson. I have gone to those and it's kind of like, I love people. I love stories. I don't necessarily want to hear your like sales pitch. And while it's good to know what you do. Let's, let's kind of exchange that, but let's move on because that's not where I'm at right now. And you kind of get lost. You lose the opportunity and connecting with someone because you're just being so, you know, But to your point, I agree. Just be interested probe, ask questions. You might find out about a book that'll change your life. You don't know. There's so much possibility in the exchange of words with a stranger. Yeah, absolutely. And if you kind of take the conversation off of business yeah. Magical things are happening to. It comes up. Yeah. It'll come up. So a new resolution of mine. And if my grandma listens to this, she's gonna probably have a heart attack, but I'm getting my private pilot's license. That's the next thing for me. I don't know when it's going to happen, but my new business partner may or may not have a plane. So I may have an opportunity there to be able to train and learn and all that kind of stuff. So it's something that for some reason has been placed on my mind. It's like every time I see a plane now I'm like, man. I want to get my pilot's license. And so yeah, I'm going to be doing that. I don't know. You have your life for real, honestly. So in the next year, I think I'll have a pilot's license. That's really neat. I've got to set a date because if I don't do that, I'll just be like, oh, sometime I'll do it. So I'll set up a date of what I will I'll I'll keep you all updated. But. Anyways. You never know like who you're going to bump into that may share your passion. That's right. And may have an opportunity for you and say, Hey, my buddy has a plane too. And he loves to take people up in the air. It's what he does all day long. And. You know, that's that may not be a good example. Someone may be terrified to play, but it could be anything. And it's it's what's happened to me over the course of my. My experience is that. You have an opportunity to collaborate on things that you never even knew you wanted to do. And that's, what's been the most exciting with me with this giving circle is that while we always had the vision for the big picture, which we do. So much, so much has kind of presented itself. Outside of my real estate career because of it. So yeah, absolutely. And it's so interesting how it's all intertwined to. Where I'm sure this has happened several times. You're having a conversation with somebody. At a hundred plus women who care and they're like, Ah, man, my realtor is. It doesn't actually come up often. It might come off off. Cause I really don't love to talk about. I really don't love to talk as a matter of fact, when I meet a person for the first time, whether it's your common house anywhere, I only give out my a hundred plus women who care card. I never give my real estate card really? Oh yeah. I cleaned out my destiny and I have a whole box of realistic cards and I have less than half of a second box in a year of my giving circle. Okay. So tell me why you do that. Because while I think. Chattanooga is this big. I mean, we do a lot of marketing where we're, I mean, my, my broker's incredible with marketing for our brokerage. So people, when they see me, they, they in. They instantly think that I'm in real estate because they, at some point they've seen me in a picture or post something about a property. But I don't want to be in it, it doesn't, it doesn't mean that it's right or wrong. I just don't want people to remember me as the realtor. I want them to think of me as something as a person that's resourceful. Right. Because when you're resourceful, then that is how you organically build rapport with a person regardless of who they are. And they're going to come back to you when the time is right. If you've made the, the right impression, if you've aligned with them and say, Hey, It happened to me this week. Someone that used to stretch me, you know, they're like, Hey, I'm, I'm thinking about buying another house. You want to listen. You know, help me buy the other house. I'm like, absolutely. We haven't seen each other in six months. It's the best compliment you can get. Yeah, absolutely. When I was in sales, I still technically. I'm in sales, just a different height now. I used to be, but I'm consulting. Yeah, a little bit of that. A little bit of a it's. So I'm a wholesaler now with real estate. So. I deal mainly with cash investors. Distressed sellers. So but anyways, when I was doing sales where I was going to networking events, putting the leads in the system, scheduling meetings with people I almost never would talk about what I was selling. And the best thing to do. Yeah. My boss will be like, How's everything going and I'm like, well, I talked more about life that I did about the product, but at the end of the day, I'm really glad that I did that because although I didn't make a ton of money selling a bunch of product. I made so many amazing connections and what I can walk into a room now. And I was at a birthday party last night, and I saw six people that I know. And just as such an amazing feeling, to be able to be invested and know about people, instead of just seeing them as like a potential sale. Right. In to have deeper conversations beyond just this is the widget that I sell, or this is my job and this is my whole personality. It's not your identity. And that's the problem that you solve. Literally, and I wish more people would make themselves there. I didn't, instead of what they do. I feel like that happens a lot. I agree. And I I'm grateful that you have a podcast like this because if people take the time to listen to it, it kind of gives them that epiphany and gives them. A sense of confidence to say, Hey, you know what? I don't have to be so awkward about the problem that I'm trying to solve. Yeah. And it's a little bit scary at first because you're like, well, What if I don't talk to them about the product I sell there, they're not going to know. And it's like, yes, that's true. And you probably will sell less at first. Sure. I definitely sold less than I could have if I had been like super salesy and hounding on people. And. However, it's, it's a long game. It truly is the people who I know who have been successful in real estate for a long time or whatever. I know people who have been successful in Avon and different companies like that. And a lot of what I hear is. I don't even have to market anymore. People know who I am. They know my character. And they know that we have a good product and they come back. And that's, that's what you have to build. It takes time. It does. And I think it's normal to be, I mean, I still get up and talk at the a hundred plus. Presentations and I'm sweating profusely. Stressed out. I mean, we've been doing this for three and a half years and I always volunteer and say that because. You know, I go back to our biggest objective is to give back to the community, but I also love the aspect where I feel that we are. Indirectly equipping and empowering our members who happened to be women, because for whatever reason, public speaking is something very uncomfortable to most. And I always tell them, and I'm vulnerable to say, Hey, I'm still doing this three and a half years later. And if I didn't start doing this. We wouldn't be here right now. And you know, the, the hope is, is that someone has a charity. And I think the last things I said was a little too profound, but it's true is to say, you know, you might be harboring a charity that's near and dear to your heart that might be able to save someone in the future just because you presented here, you know, and just to kind of get that the lens off of like I'm presenting people are watching me talk because it's something that I still struggle with and people just coming up there and speaking about their passion and something of purpose, and then it kind of just helps you because once I get into conversation about the things that matter. I lose sight of where I am. Who's looking at me and how long it's been. So when you have to speak to a group, what are some routines or ways that you've maybe calm yourself down? Can you think of any ways that your. A glass of wine. A glass of wine. I have a glass of wine. Before the meeting. As an old fashion. I, well, I don't have old fashions where I'm at, but yes, I would definitely go for an old fashioned. They make a mean one here. They make the best old fashioned. They actually do.$5 on happy hour. Okay. I didn't know that. Yeah, if you come between a two and five, I think it is. I have to come back and do that. Yeah, we can just get one after this. I got to pick up my kid. Any way it's so cool. Yeah, sometimes having a little bit of, we call it social lubricant. And in the networking world. You know and I'm not at all going to be like, yeah, go get drunk before your networking event. But sometimes especially if it is a nighttime networking event responsibly. You know, having a glass of wine or a beer or something like that, it can really help you loosen up a little bit. It takes the edge off. Don't have for no. Because then you're going to be that guy. The fact that the people who run the event are going to say that guy's never coming again. That's right. But within reason, right? It can really help, especially if you have that. You know, that it's, it can be scary. It's scary for me. Sometimes I walk into a room and for some reason, I, I I'm anxious, you know, and I'm like, I've done this a hundred times. Why am I anxious? But sometimes you just are. Yeah. And I think it's also because collectively, most people are, even though they don't seem like they are, it's an energy thing. You're walking into a room full of strangers. It's, it's perfectly normal to feel uncomfortable. It's not a setting that, you know I do agree on the social lubricant lubricating. I've never heard that term. But going back to the just connection part is, you know, if you are in that setting and if you're trying to build your business, More importantly, focus on your sphere. Because your sphere of influence eventually becomes your business. Even if that person that you met, never does business with you. Because if, you have created a raving fan in who you are and the resources you can provide, The day that, that person's friend is looking for the problem that you can solve, they're going to think of you. And that's, that's the way to look at it is to say, Hey, And even take it a step further when you meet people at a networking event and you're too uncomfortable to talk about your own, find out what they have to do. They're willing to talk. If you're going to break the ice and ask them what they're there to solve, you're going to make a connection, like no other. And even if yours never comes up, you exchange your card and you just gave them this. You know, opportunity to listen. To everything that they have to offer. Yeah, absolutely. And I think you bring up a great point too, and this kind of goes back to what I was trying to hit on earlier. Like with the givers gaining, it's like I wasn't mean that in like, oh, you're going to make a million dollars. If you give something. Like you gain. Influence you gain friends, you gain connections. But if you can just go in to an event with the mindset of. Who can I help? Right. And I, this is a new practice I'm going to implement at every networking event. Every person I meet before I leave, I'm going to say, what can I help you with? And some people I've asked this question before. And some people be like, well, you know, I don't really know of anything right now. And a lot of people will say, you know, I have this problem. My printing guy just went out of business and I need a new printer. And I don't know of anybody and I can be like, oh yeah, well, I've used the Latin before over there. And they were pretty good or we know people have their own PostNet. It's just, you never know what problem people are going to have that you could so easily solve. Yeah. And I mean, I don't know if I'm sure you've heard it before, but your network is your net worth. And he goes back to what I said is, you know, even if you never share the service, the product that you're selling. It takes that opportunity where you might know someone that could help them. And believe me, it all comes back, you know? And I don't know if it's because we have our faith that we believe that, but I mean, at this point, because of a hundred plus I'm a new care. I have a Cool group of powerful women from Chattanooga that I can call my friends now. Yeah. That I would've never met otherwise. And that to me has no worth. That's it truly is incredible because it's it's not just in business either. Like we've hit on probably 10 times. It's, you know, those people are, if you run into a problem and you need something, I would be willing to guarantee that several of those women would come to your side and help right. Figure out whatever the issue is. That's. Right. And that's so important. To, to have that in your life. Cause it, it truly, it makes things so much easier for you to. Great to be able to solve things with the phone call. It's very nice. It is very nice. So let's think about what you can do for someone that you're trying to build a relationship and you can solve their problem within one phone call. Think about. The respect and the trust that you're building in that relationship that you want to foster. Oh, it reminds me of a time where somebody had been having a problem. I can't remember the exact situation by no. That this happened. So much stuff has happened in my life. I can't even remember it any more, but somebody had been having this problem and they were like, they had been on the phone with somebody for like two months. I think it was a customer service issue with a company. And they, they were like telling me about it and I was like, I'm friends on LinkedIn with the CEO of that company. Like I met him one time randomly and we talked and, and I was like, can I, you want me to just reach out to him and see what happens? And. And so I did. And you know, the problem got solved. So it's, I love that you just. And it takes, thought, and action on your side too. Because this, it was somebody that I had just met like that weekend. And. You know, if you're, you just have to be one to help people, even if they're not your best friend or they're not. And it, obviously it was because of the impression you made on him, that you were able to do that too. It's not a matter of an exchange of a business card. I don't think he would have treated you the same if you just, you know, he just handed off his business card to a stranger that he never spoke to. So there's a lot in that. And that's, you know, going back to those that are trying to build those relationships is I think of this as an insurance policy. You don't know, at what point in time you're going to need this happen to it. It could be a matter of life or death. It could be a business opportunity. It could be heck. They can, they can introduce you to your wife who knows. Anything's possible. That's incredible. I hope so. Take your time. That's right. That's right. We're taking our time. We'll trash time. Anyways. So I love that statement and I haven't really thought of it that way before. The insurance policy. I just made that up, but no, I think it was fantastic. It's a good way to look at it. Yeah. I. Cause I used to sell insurance, so, oh, wow. I think about like, It is something that's important to have, like it is your safety net. Your network is your safety net people. We can't do this world alone. It just it's there's too much. To try and. Do everything by yourself. You need other people. Like my house is getting worked on right now and I'm not there. There's no other way to do that. That's. Other than with people. That's right. And it's, it's truly something powerful. It's it's something you have to harness. So let's talk about. The adventures I want to learn. I want to hear about this. I want to give us plenty of time. So let's, let's talk about a time. In your life where. You met somebody or you made a connection with somebody and it just changed things for you. I, it happens often and I have a good track record because I am so outgoing, but I think a big one that's fun outside of business. And outside of my giving circle, because that one is, is an adventure every day. You know, going back. A few years, maybe a decade. I decided my best friend got married in Italy. I was one of her bridesmaids. And at the time everyone was either married or in a relationship. And I've always been like that single girl that goes to these weddings. And I didn't want to go all the way to lake Como and go home to New York without taking the time to explore. So I decided I put all my fancy dresses and my heels inside this like big backpack. And I went backpacking by myself and all I knew is that on the 13th day I was flying out of Prague. How I got there. I don't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't have a plan. I didn't know who, where I was staying anywhere. So I ended up in Croatia. And spend a few days there. And I was really nervous. I mean, I had left everybody that I knew was 60 people that I was friends with. And these villas to all by myself, to all these languages that I didn't know. And it kinda hit hit hard. I realized that I was in panic mode because I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know where I was staying. And all of a sudden this very sweet. Young woman. Who is Swedish. She started talking to me in English. And that's where the adventure began. I mean, We went from there and jumped off a cliff into the Adriatic sea. I found like what they call your hostile family. People from Australia, Brazil, it was a group of 15 of us. And we went island hopping. I mean, we were perfect strangers that morning. And by the end of the day, we were listening to, you know a guy playing a Dave Matthews band, acoustic guitar under a moon with like another guy that was a traveling gypsy playing like with his fires. Like it was just. One of the best experiences of my life. And I say it like that because I had so many stories that I told myself when I was on that trip that I couldn't do this. Or. I couldn't afford that or whatever the case may be. And it ended up that I learned so much about myself. And people. And life in that 13 day trip. I, that. Flipped off a switch in my head that something that I've really been reflecting on from doing the miracle morning and reading howl Rod's book. You. I was talking to someone about this last night. And if you think you can't do something. Then you can't. And. That is just like, it's hitting me like a freight train, because I'm telling you, you got to talk to yourself, right? It sounds, you know, not in the way of like your schizophrenia, like walking on the street, but like you tell yourself what you're going to do. That's right. Every day when you wake up. Your mind and you tell your body what your hands are going to do. That's right. What actions you're going to take. And if you tell yourself. I can't work out. Right. Well, yeah, you sure can't work out. Because you're not going to tell your body to do it because you think that you can't do it. And especially when it comes to people, you may like think I can't talk to that person. Right. They're the, they're the most popular person in the room. They wrote this book that I absolutely love. And. They're so famous. I can't talk to that person. Well, yeah, you can't because you. You made the decision. Exactly. So it's it's been amazing for me because I tell myself every night before I go to bed, I smile. Literally like in the dark, I put my phone across the room. Is this my alarm? Smile and I tell myself, I am going to wake up, refresh in the morning. I am so lucky that I get the sleep that I'm going to get. That's right. And I literally, I go to sleep. And I wake up. I'm like, Hey Siri. What time is it? And she's like, it is one o'clock in the morning. I'm like, what? And I'm like, well, I guess I got to sleep a little bit longer. I do I go back to sleep and then I wake up and I'm like, I feel literally wide awake, ready to go. And I'm like, Siri, what time is it? It's 5:00 AM. I'm like, all right, cool. I can do that. I get up. I get out of bed and my day starts. Because I told myself that I could that's right. I mean, success starts the night before and that's a very good. Way to look at it. But I think every morning, it's just like today I get today. Get. Today. Is whatever I want it to mean. Mm. And one thing that I miss and I don't do a lot, obviously, because I have responsibilities with a little boy now and everything, but I did a lot of what I called unscripted days in New York city. And unscripted day sometimes meant that I wasn't taking a different path. You can do that in a big city like that, or go to a new restaurant and eat by yourself on a Wednesday night at a bar. You know, it just. It's really good for you to do things like that and make yourself uncomfortable because when you realize everything you're missing out on, because you're wanting to stay within these really safe boundaries that you've created, which are fine, discipline needs that. But you also need to live a little. Yeah. And you know, you just have to have a purpose in life. And when you're able to experience things like that, it just gets you excited about whether it's work, your family, whatever the case may be. And I want to talk to about Europe. I just got back from Europe. To start in Puerto Rico. Went to Denmark. Did what you're saying? Literally like went out by myself. Hey, this little cafe. Doesn't make any cool connections. I was only there for six hours though. Then I went to Warsaw, Poland and well, I went to Berlin first, went to Berlin. I met, met a really cool Australian guy in the bar and then a kid from, gosh, he was flying Wisconsin or something like that. Oh, there's a guy from Canada behind me in line and I was at this hostel. And just like you said, I ended up meeting all of these people. All super cool. We ended up hanging out at the bar that night. I went and tried to like, Say hi to a girl and then she just completely shut me down. I was like, all right, I don't need you. I'm going back to the guys. Right. But I was like, I put myself out of my comfort zone, so I was completely willing to do that. And like, Best place to do it. Yeah, absolutely. And I think if you especially are not as comfortable with like meeting new people, Going to another country can be the best way. Oh yeah. Especially by yourself or start at a restaurant. Go eat with, go eat by herself at a restaurant bar. It is, it's a new experience. If that's where you need to start, then start there because you'd be very surprised, not only how much you are able to do it. But the people you're going to meet, you meet them with interesting people having lunch or dinner at a bar. Oh yeah. I used to hang out at the Weston's bar. Just cause they had cheap beer at the time and the view's beautiful there to watch the sun go down. But I would hang out up there and you're exactly right. I mean, I would just be sitting by myself and I was riding up the elevator one day and there was a guy in the elevator and he had, he was like, he had the floor. For his room set. And he's like, are you going out to that bar thing up there? And I was like, yeah, I'm a local here. I love it so much that I go and just hang out and he's like, well, I'll come up with you and have drink. I'm like, alright, cool. Whatever. And he comes up. He was like, how about your drink, man? I'm like any, but you can buy me a drink. Sure. Absolutely. I don't get that very often. So by me a drink. That's really neat. And we sat down together and we'll turns out this guy as the vice president of sales for a fortune 100 company. Nice. And he was here to pitch to the company that I worked at the time, which is a fortune. Yeah, there was a Unum, a fortune two 50 company. So. I'm sitting here with the guy that works for this huge financial services company. And we just sat down and he talked about, I talked about real estate goals and life goals and all of the things. And you know, we're still connected on LinkedIn today and he was like, whenever, if you ever want a job, man, you can come work with us. It's an interview that you never need to have because you're, you're already in. Exactly. Just because I was at a random bar, not to say that you're not going to go through an interviewing process, but you're not just going to be the resume that arrives at HR inbox amongst hundreds. Exactly. It's going to be a personal recommendation. Hey, I met this guy one time. I just distinctly remember it because we. I mean, we sat down for an hour and a half. And I followed up with him too. Sure. After our meeting, I said, Hey, it was great to meet you the other night. Would love to stay in touch and that too. It's just like, it's minting you in that person's mind. And even though I was not looking for a job at that time, and I'm not now. You never know what the future may hold. And if I may need something from their company later on, too. And I have the person to contact. But just because I went to a random bar and was by myself. So I think that's a great point too. You can start here. You don't have to go. And, you know, Something relevant to my life. My son, I have a six year old boy and he is, he loves adventure and fun. He's just not as open as me. Like he, he doesn't know a stranger, but as far as like a new experience, for example, he's at the hunter museum this week. He's very creative. But he has like, he's never been there. For summer camp. And I was like, he loves pirates. And I said, Hey, buddy. Think of this as a treasure hunt, right? You don't know what treasure is behind those doors. You might create the coolest thing you've ever seen. You might make the best of friend you've never met. You would have never met. Sure enough. He loves it there so much so that he loves Nintendo and he has not picked up as Nintendo. Every day since he's been home because his creative switch is on and now he's just creating all the time while he's there. And now he's grateful and he's like, Hey, when we come back from New York, I want to go back to that camp. So it's I treat it like that every day is a treasure hunt. And you don't know what gem or what. Thing you might find or what story you're going to become a part of because of that. Mm, I love that. That's it's going to be a good saying to every day's a treasure hunt every day is a treasure. Yeah. I call it. I just call them unscripted days. Yeah. Because there's the things that you have to do. And then there's that little gray area where you could have some. Fun and unique opportunities come up. And you can also make adventure wherever you are. Like, if you live in a small little town, Yeah. In the middle of nowhere. I mean, like you can drive 30 minutes and go somewhere to another small town. Maybe you haven't been to or go to a football game, or I don't know what it may be. There's always something that you can do. That's different from your daily routine, especially if your daily routine is. Wake up, go to work. Yeah, come home. Watch TV. E and go to sleep. Like that's just, that's when you need it the most. Yeah. This is not the life that we were meant to live. I used to live that way. I mean, I, it just. You feel like a vegetable? And you don't know how to get out of it. You're like, what, why do I think people are a lot more open to it now since the great reset. No. But yeah, we need that reminder because it's very easy to fall into it. You know, as a parent, as a person that works and has a child to come home to my life can be the, be very monotonous, which is. The opposite of what I love, but but yeah, just having those breakaway days where you just kind of give yourself that permission to say, Hey, For the next three hours, I'm going. I'm going to go sit somewhere new or talk to a perfect stranger and see what happens. And then it's almost like a form of exercise so that when you do go to those social settings that are so awkward, you're not going to feel so awkward anymore because you're building that muscle. My favorite part of meeting random people. This is we'll give one last a Europe thing, then we'll, we'll end it off. But I was in Germany, sitting at a restaurant and cologne. Sitting on the patio. And we, me and my friend will and a few other people, we're all sitting there. And we're all go to school together. And there's these two Asian guys and they were like looking for a table and there was room on the end of our table. And in Europe, it's just more, you know, you can be like, Hey, can we sit there? Absolutely I'll come on over. And we ended up having such a great conversation. They were from Taiwan and they were there to work with their company. And then there was a guy across the table from me at the, at another table. And I heard him speaking English and I was like, Hey, where are y'all from? And he was like, I'm from Canada. And we started having a conversation. I love it from across the table and come to find out he is a very high end commercial home builder in Toronto and builds spending where it from like two to$10 million houses. And I'm like, well, I'm not surprised to hear that because we're all people, we all have our occupations and we all like to just get together. Absolutely human. And I was like, what a cool guy to meet? Like, yeah. Now if I want to go to Canada, Got his business card, got his cell phone number and we're like, ah, he was like, call me sometime, man. It was good to talk. And so, you know, who knows, maybe that'll turn into a little trip out to Canada and never know. You never know. And that's a perfect metaphor, right? Is. We're trying to, to, to kind of establish is that. You saw the person first, you met the person first and then he threw the occupation on and then you were like, whoa. I can't believe I just met that person. Yeah. And it's, we're all people, we all have a chosen path. And we're all, we all have our strengths. It's, that's not who we identify as we are people and we have common ground somewhere. And that's the way you need to approach people when you meet them. Yeah, absolutely. I didn't even ask the guy what business he was in until like having fun. Why would you just be like, oh, what are you new? It's the first thing. So I think that that'll be the challenge for the listeners. If you're going somewhere, whether it's at work or a networking event or whatever. It's so natural to ask. What do you do as the first question? Find another question to ask. Yeah. What's your favorite hobby? What, you know, do you have a family, like find some sort of question to ask people? And it'll throw them off too. They'll be like, I use the word disarm because it's what it does. It's like people will go into the mindset of what am I going to say? And it's like, just talk like a normal person. Hello. Yeah. You know, and if they're from Chattanooga and there was an event coming up or you going to this Bonneroo, whatever those things, it's not in Chattanooga, but whatever the case may be, have you tried this new restaurant and you'll find, or even, Hey, what's your favorite podcast? There's something that you're going to find common ground in, and you might learn something new. Along the way that's going to serve you more than you ever knew. Absolutely. That's amazing. So this has been such a great conversation. I've really enjoyed this. I'm kind of glad we actually rerecorded it. I. I think this episode ended up much better because I'm still, I'm still sweating. She was telling me how nervous she was. I was like, don't worry. Only 58. People have listened in the last one. That's what happened? You said 46. Maybe 46. I, I hopefully it's more than 46. Maybe it is 46 fighting. Either way. We're we're back. We're going to be very consistent now. We'll be rolling a new episode out every Wednesday. And possibly more than that. As I, as I continue on this journey on the art of connecting. So if you've enjoyed this podcast, if you got something out of it, I need you to do me a favor. I needed to go up to the top on Spotify, where it says leave review. Click on that five star rating and leave a little review for your friends. Also, the way that we grow this podcast is by you sending it to someone else. If you think somebody is going to get something out of the message that we said today, if there's that person that, you know, that really needs some help in this area, and you think this episode is going to benefit them, send that to them and please just let them know to give it a listen. Thank you so much for tuning into the art, connecting and have a blessed day. We'll see you next time.